Sometimes, I stay up late at night contemplating why the flow of my life is slow-paced compared to others. It’s like everyone’s riding a bullet train while I’m on a Tata Nano, waiting for people to push me before I go on full speed.
I periodically go through moods where I feel like I need to disconnect myself from the real world just to maintain the state of my mental health. But I never learn so while I disconnect myself from the real world, I connect into the cyberworld.
We all know that social media can be toxic and very very addicting, I had my fair share of that. I mean, we now live in a generation where people are relying on “likes” for affirmation. As if these “likes” amounts to who we are as a person and how people perceive us. You waste time scrolling through your newsfeed, seeing not only the usual I’m-updating-you-with-my-life posts or the mundane things that goes viral but all the appalling news about current events that everyone seems to ignore. It’s a crazy cycle (log in, scroll, compare your life with others, lather, rinse, repeat).
I always tell myself that one day I will deactivate my social media accounts because it can be distressing when you spend too much time on it. But how can I do that when in truth, I consider the cyberworld as my safe haven? As my comfort zone?
As an introvert, one way I can socially interact with people is through the internet. See, it’s the only place I can express myself without feeling apprehensive or reluctant. The only place I can freely convey my thoughts without holding back or feeling intimidated. It is where I can be eloquent and not be the timid person I am in real life.
I’m the kind of person who dislike small talk and the kind who answers open-ended questions with a single word. I tell you, I have the tendency to end conversations with awkward silences. I can’t help it, I get cold feet whenever it’s time for me to speak so even if a plethora of thoughts run rampant in my mind, only a sparse of those I let out. In the real world, I am self-effacing and terrible at handling conversations but with the cyberworld, I can put this *weakness* aside and be brave. I can make my fingers (and keyboard) tell the world what I can’t say with my mouth.